I try to address their needs and personalize the advice for them and then … When I was married to an addict, the only advice I hoped to hear from my therapist and from other support people was that I could do “X, Y, and Z” and that would help me fix my husband and his addiction.I wanted to know that living with an addict was possible, and that he could change.But because things become so convoluted, we lose sight of everything and cross so many lines that we cannot remember the person we were before the addict affected our lives.That is why it is so important for you to take the time you need, away from him, to work on your own issues, insecurities, and fears so that you will not repeat the same patterns.
My family is at a loss of what to do because they deny everything. You cannot just leave the children in this situation, you can help the them and not the parents.The best way to stop enabling is to learn your enabling behaviors and make a conscious choice to STOP. He was clean for 2 years after that and then everything went down hill these last couple years. He’s at his mother’s house and she’s taking him to an inpatient rehab on Monday. I figured if I let him go now, God will send to me someone who is good for me. It feels kind of lonely without him here but when he’s here it’s been hell lately. It is a role we get sucked into without even realizing it.We invite you to leave your questions in the comments section below. I hope you get to the end, where you will find some hope for this confusing state you must be in right now.So, how can you end the enabling and move towards a healthier relationship…a healthier you? Some women will post on my blog about how they want to stop enabling their husband’s addiction. I know what they are going through because I have been there; I was married to an addict, too. Just because they are posting on my blog does not mean that they are ready to hear what I have to tell them.So, I spend time and energy crafting a heartfelt and realistic response. When I explain what is most likely to happen or what will help them in the long run, they do not answer back because that is not the answer they were looking for. Perhaps telling their stories just helps them purge all of their anxiety or they still believe I can tell them how they can fix their partner.