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Oh, and being a virgin would help.) But that permission is not actual power, and it’s also not going to fundamentally change a culture in which people think it’s ok to do things to other people’s bodies without their consent.

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As Grimes wrote recently, they are not “an object that exists for their personal satisfaction.” They’re people. During her four years at the site, she wrote about gender violence, reproductive justice, and education equity and ran the site's book review column.

And the races of Danny and his assailant, of course, add a whole other dimension. White women are stereotyped as innocent, and black men as sexually voracious, so the assault doesn’t fit any of the predetermined narratives to which we, as a society, are so deeply committed.

Maya: Yes, I think this is key–especially, as Kitty points out, in terms of constraining Danny’s options for reacting during the assault.

We can acknowledge men’s unique problems within this system without pretending the scripts are flipped and women are rolling in power now.

After all, part of the reason we have so much trouble imagining a woman assaulting a man is that we can’t break the assumption that masculinity equals aggression and power while femininity equals passivity and weakness.

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