If you haven't come to fully accept yourself with both light and dark facets and feelings, how can you possibly like and respect yourself?This issue sets you up for having to buy another's love with gifts, gestures and behaviors that consistently place another's desires and needs before your own." Accept the return gracefully and if you value the relationship, keep it going until the person sees you as a good, trustworthy person who is giving gifts out of generosity and true care.Steve Sims of the Bluefish concierge service gives sage advice in Glamour for getting around all this: "Go for experiences, not [physical] items and focus on the message, not the money. When it evokes a great memory, it can't." They suggest renting a dream car for a long day of scenic driving, a boat for fishing, tickets to a game or concert and so on or being extra nonchalant and extending an invitation to something you're already doing.A charity event or big bash, Salsa lessons, a concert, a lovely restaurant, a picnic in the park, a bistro you're sitting at for hours anyway.If a true friend catches on to this they might feel compelled to give the gift back to you.In some cases your gift could have been acquired at a real bargain or is a possession you have long had. In such cases you can try and explain and re-give the gift but if they're adamant about not taking it, accept it back and move on from there.While each situation is unique the factors causing a person to return a gift usually are not.The person returning your gift might be trying to send you a message or they might actually be acting in your better interest.
You're having an amazing experience and the opportunity to invite others still exists.
As with many things lasting friendships can take time to materialize and that's OK because it builds perspective and meaning.
Watch holistic psychotherapist Victoria Lorient-Faibish talk about The Pattern of Control Through Generosity: Italian Vogue editor Franca Sozzani writes, "Everyday I receive a large quantity of bags. If you stopped to think about it even for one second you could come up with a new idea, a different one." and then mentions, "Choosing a book, dedicating it, is more personal, less expensive and it stays with you forever." along with a pack of movie tickets, a gift membership to a museum, spa treatments, a trip. In some cases people are so enamored with someone else and so interested in filling a perceived need that they will overextend themselves and give a gift they really cannot afford.
Over the past few weeks readers have had a burning question...
what do you do when a friend or loved one returns a seemingly unwanted gift you gave them?