Key idea for saving your marriage: Live in today, this moment, right now – rather than worrying about the past or trying to guess the future. So every time, you feel yourself unravelling focus back down on NOW.Enjoy the view from your window, the cup of tea that you’re drinking or that moment of peace before the kids get back from school (rather than forever being one step ahead and not really registering now). I’ve been doing this job for almost thirty years and I reckon I’ve seen over two thousand clients and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have set backs.Instead of letting everything coming to a head – with one person walking away out of frustration or being ‘thrown out’ – focus on talking through how this trial separation will work. Key idea for saving your marriage: Focus on improving your communication and listening skills because they become even more important when you’re not under the same roof.Instead of looking for ways to persuade your partner he or she is wrong to need ‘space’, ask questions about how a separation might work. I sum this up as ‘I can ask, you can say no and we can negotiate’ When you’re in a hole, it’s a good idea to stop digging.However, underneath not all is right, for either of us.How can we work on a marriage when we’re not together and can a trial separation help a marriage?As a therapist, this is a good sign because he or she is ready to negotiate for what he or she needs – rather than accepting anything to get his or her partner back – but for the couple it can be really unsettling. If you’re reached a dead end, how can you go back and find another way round? ”, it is not only exasperating but you’re reminding them that they don’t love you or need space.Key idea for saving your relationship: Setbacks and painful but they are not a problem if you can learn something from them. So I know it’s hard but please wait for them to talk about the future, your job is to make today’s interactions better.
I know it’s tough because your fear is out of sight and out of mind (and if that’s the case how can you ‘work’ on your marriage).However, I’ve met lots of people who expect everything to move only forward and when they hit a bump or a dead end, think there is something fundamentally flawed in them or their relationship (rather than just accepting that’s part of the process).It’s especially common when the partner who wanted space starts to think about returning that the other, who has been holding onto hope for the relationship, starts to get cold feet.If you’re the partner holding the responsibility for saving the marriage, please put your main focus and energy on working on yourself.By this I mean understanding why this is so painful – probably something to do with your childhood – and learning alternative ways to cope with adversity (rather than sending off a desperate text). If you step back, you could encourage them to come forward.