Perhaps you are recently divorced and now you find yourself exploring available men online. Have you heard that widowers are great dates, who know what they want and are ready to get it?
Many widowers have been married to only one spouse.
They might be used to a wife who did all the domestic things for them, such as the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, or even fixing a running toilet.
So you see a widower online, and you are thinking, “What a great catch this man is! ” Not having done your homework and investigated the challenges, you are encouraged.
Perhaps he invites you to his house, but everywhere you go, even the bathroom, reeks of her. He may keep you hidden from them at first, not knowing how they will react to their father with another woman. Such a man may tell you that he is working through his grieving process and that he is trying to learn to love someone again.
You try not to get your feelings hurt; but alas, it is impossible to believe that he wants anything to do with you, when her presence is everywhere. Or, he might introduce you, but they may not want to meet you, or get to know anything about you. “Trying” to love you is not a phrase you want to hear.
A widower can be still married in his mind, often feeling guilty, as if he is cheating on his beloved, deceased wife. Widowers can have wonderful qualities, if you are able to wait it out.
As the new woman, you want a man who will see you for yourself, as an equal partner, not as a “mistress” he feels guilty about. It takes some time for a widower to deal with the loss of his wife and be able to accept another. But if you are expecting something to develop faster, and if you have expectations of coupling with gusto, your plans may end up in sadness. A woman must carefully evaluate the qualities of a widower and then talk to him openly about her needs.
A man who has been married to one woman for over forty years can be challenging.
Some may not have ever dated another woman, because they married the first woman they ever met.
A lot of older widowers have grown children; in fact, many may even be grandfathers. Widowers often need a woman’s touch around the house.
One of the reasons why I write about feminist issues or bad behavior within the geek community is because, frankly, getting better at dating is a holistic system.
As I’m fond of saying, dating success is 80% attitude and 20% skill, and a of that attitude involves both issues of masculinity and also understanding and empathizing with women.